John Bolton Is a Bloodthirsty Imperialist Who Must Be Stopped

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John Bolton speaking at CPAC in 2017 (photo credit: Gage Skidmore)

On April 9, one John R. Bolton is scheduled to take the place of H.R. McMaster as President Trump’s National Security Advisor — a position that doesn’t require congressional confirmation. No, this isn’t the long-haired crooner who once released a mediocre rendition of “When a Man Loves a Woman”; you’re thinking of Michael Bolton. This Bolton served a relatively obscure post in the George W. Bush administration (Under Secretary of State for Arms Control and International Security), yet proved highly influential in the administration’s decision to invade Iraq in 2003 (a decision he still seems proud of). As a reminder, this American military aggression in Iraq resulted in hundreds of thousands of civilian deaths, cost American taxpayers more than $2 trillion, and led to the formation of ISIS.

In addition to his unrepentant Iraq War nostalgia, Bolton has a passionate desire to bomb and invade both Iran and North Korea in order to implement the American brand of regime change that has worked so well in the past. He also pals around with anti-Muslim bigots, and his history of “undermining international cooperative institutions such as the United Nations” exemplifies his dangerous nationalistic tendencies.

The mustachioed madman in question has lately spent much of his free time as a Fox News pundit and a traveling fanboy for a cult-like Iranian terrorist organization known as the Mujahedeen Khalq (or “MEK”). This Persian posse, which was formed in the 1960s, is known for killing American civilians during the 1979 Iranian Revolution, forging an alliance with Saddam Hussein, and its likely involvement in the assassinations of four Iranian scientists in recent years. After massive lobbying and PR efforts, the MEK was removed from the U.S. State Department’s terror list in 2012. The group has high hopes for overthrowing and replacing the current Iranian government, theoretically with the assistance of Western warlords like Bolton himself.

The fanatical interventionist views of Mr. Bolton have remained remarkably consistent for decades. The man is like the goddamn Bernie Sanders of American imperialism. In 1966, he even wrote an editorial for his school newspaper entitled “No Peace in Vietnam,” in which he expressed skepicism toward (in his view) naïve calls for an end to the violence in Southeast Asia. Bolton has always looked fondly upon war, as long as he didn’t have to fight in one. “I confess that I had no desire to die in a Southeast Asia rice paddy,” the chickenhawk later explained.

As if John Bolton’s obsession with mass murder isn’t bad enough, the guy is also a known bully and mafioso wannabe. In a recent episode of Deconstructed, former assistant secretary of state for the Bureau of International Security and Nonproliferation Thomas Countryman discussed Bolton’s tendency to “emotionally abuse” his staff, and former director-general of the Organization for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons José Bustani recounted an ominous and chilling personal encounter with the statesman in question:

“I had convinced them, Saddam Hussein and Qaddafi, to join in the organization, which meant that inspections should take place 30 days after their cities are at the convention. […] [Bolton] showed up in The Hague, and he came to my office, and he said, ‘Cheney wants you out. You have 24 hours to leave the organization, and if you don’t comply with the decision by Washington, we have ways to retaliate against you.’ […] I said, ‘Well, I’m not ready to do that. I have no reason to do that. Secretary of State Colin Powell has written me a letter praising my mandate so far, so I cannot understand why is it that I have to leave the organization?’ And he said, ‘You have to be ready to face the consequences, because we know where your kids live.’” (For more context, listen to the full interview here.)

That’s right; the incoming advisor is so deeply haunted by the prospects for peaceful solutions that he’s willing to threaten the family of a prominent diplomat in attempt to quash them. I hate to say it, folks, but this John Bolton character might be a prime example of a proverbial “bad hombre.”

John R. Bolton has an extensive political resume that includes past positions in the Reagan and Bush administrations and a stint as a U.N. ambassador; he is certainly qualified for the National Security Advisor position. However, he’s also an unhinged lunatic who intimidates and threatens people, abhors peaceful diplomacy, and advocates military action as a first resort. His barbaric neoconservatism reduces the global population to a Brzezinskian “grand chessboard” beholden to the whims of American primacy. The man makes me ashamed of my own mustache, for Christ’s sake!

As a famous cinematic hippie once said, “This aggression will not stand, man!” We need to band together with anti-war conservatives, libertarians, hell, even other species (I’m lookin’ at you, lemurs!), and keep this monster at bay by any means possible. With U.S.-Russia tensions escalating and the Doomsday Clock set at two minutes before midnight, cock-blocking the imperialistic ambitions of this ferocious thug may very well be a prerequisite to the survival of the human race and life on Earth as we know it.

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The incoming National Security Advisor has caused me to question my own facial hair.

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