I Guess I’m a Full-Time Writer Now

How a global pandemic forced me into my dream job

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Ernest Hemingway circa 1953 (Wikimedia Commons)

After a recent post propelled me into the elite club known as Top Medium Writers, a perfect storm began to form. As everyone is surely aware, we are in the midst of a global pandemic and many workers are being laid off due to health concerns. As of last week, I was one of those workers. And even though I was told I would receive unemployment pay, I was still overtaken by anxiety and uncertainty.

Normally, in situations of unemployment or under-employment, I’d opt to drive Uber or do Postmates deliveries. But chauffeuring strangers around and handling food are some of the last things I should be doing during this coronavirus outbreak, especially as a life-long asthmatic. I tried to tell myself things would be fine — at least I would allegedly be getting regular unemployment checks and maybe even a government stimulus check.

As I aimlessly moped around my apartment during the subsequent days, I had an epiphany. Now that I’m a “top writer” in politics and I have all this time on my hands, why not just write for a living? Plus, it’s literally dangerous to leave my apartment. Writing is the perfect job for self quarantines and social distancing. And I’ve already broken my previous record for monthly Partner Program earnings. “This is my chance,” I thought.

There are many perks to being a full-time writer, including sleeping as much or as little as you desire, ordering food deliveries, wearing sweatpants 24/7, taking “movie breaks,” and letting your hair grow out despite a glaring widow’s peak and a complimentary bald spot. But most of all, I’ve been writing as long as I can remember and it would be the perfect career for me. I would finally be able to fulfill my purpose as a profusely creative person.

I realized I needed to seize this moment and write some solid political commentary. This crisis is a crucial time to set the record straight and advocate for humanistic policies that would benefit the working class. It is a time to rally together with the struggling masses and say “enough is enough.” It is a time to call for revolutionary action. And yes, it is a time to generate desperately needed income by ranting about our shitty society.

So, for these reasons and more, I believe I have the authority, the resources, and the duty to engage in political writing during this ominous episode of world history. The universe is shouting, and I need to heed its call.

Stay tuned.

Written by

Socialist. Herbivore. Husband. I usually write about politics, current events, and history. My work has also been published by The Hampton Institute.

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